[Leonardo]

I saw a post in another board about favorite quotes, and I felt like sharing

"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home." --Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977

"Problems cannot be solved by thinking within the framework in which the problems were created." — "Albert Einstein"

"But what ... is it good for?" --Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip.

"When a finger points to the moon the imbecile looks at the finger" -- Chinese proverb.

"Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons." --Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949

"If you can dream it, you can do it." -- Walt Disney.

"I'm just glad it'll be Clark Gable who's falling on his face and not Gary Cooper." --Gary Cooper on his decision not to take the leading role in "Gone With the Wind."

"We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out." --Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962.

"Never forget that only dead fish swim with the stream." -- Malcolm Muggeridge.

"Aeroplanes are interesting toys but of no military value." --Marechal Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre.

"Many ideas grow better when transplanted into another mind than in the one where they sprang up." -- Oliver Wendell Holmes.

"640K ought to be enough for anybody." -- Bill Gates, 1981

"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers." --Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943

"This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us." --Western Union internal memo, 1876.

"The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?" --David Sarnoff's associates in response to his urgings for investment in the radio in the 1920s.

"So we went to Atari and said, 'Hey, we've got this amazing thing, even built with some of your parts, and what do you think about funding us? Or we'll give it to you. We just want to do it. Pay our salary, we'll come work for you.' And they said, 'No.' So then we went to Hewlett-Packard, and they said, 'Hey, we don't need you. You haven't got through college yet.'" --Apple Computer Inc. founder Steve Jobs on attempts to get Atari and H-P interested in his and Steve Wozniak's personal computer.

"Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil? You're crazy." --Drillers who Edwin L. Drake tried to enlist to his project to drill for oil in 1859.

" I did not have sexual relations with that woman"

[insomnia3d]

Those are all really good, and ironic,... and suprising. Thanks Leo

Here is a couple.

"When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear." Mark Twain
"All I know is I'm not a Marxist." Karl Marx
"Cruel leaders are replaced only to have new leaders turn cruel. " Che Guevara.
"Drawing is the honesty of the art. There is no possibility of cheating. It is either good or bad." Salvador Dali

Darker irony yet not as funny

[michaelplogue]

"Mr. Spock, the women on your planet are logical. That's the only planet in the galaxy that can make that claim." -- Kirk (Elaan of Troyius)

[b-kandor]

Police quotes:

The following 15 Police Comments were taken off actual police
car
videos around the US.

#15 "Relax, the handcuffs are
tight because they're new. They'll
stretch after you wear them
awhile."

# 14 "If you take your hands off the car, I'll
make your birth
certificate a worthless document."

#13
"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

#12 "Can you
run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the
speed
of the bullet that'll be chasing you."

#11 "You don't know
how fast you were going? I guess that means I can
write anything I
want to on the ticket, huh?"

#10 "Yes, sir, you can talk
to the shift supervisor, but I don't think
it will help. Oh,
did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

#9 "Warning!
You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that
again
or I'll give you another ticket."

#8 "The answer to this
next question will determine whether you are
drunk or not. Was
Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

#7 "Fair? You want me to be
fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go
to ride on rides,
eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey
poop."


#6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife
gets a toaster
oven."

#5 "In God we trust, all others we
run through NCIC."

#4 "How big were those 'Just two beers'
you say you had?"

#3 "No sir, we don't have quotas
anymore. We used to, but now we're
allowed to write as many tickets
as we can."

#2 "I'm glad to hear that Chief (of Police)
Hawker is a personal
friend of yours. So you know someone who
can post your bail."

The envelope
please.....................

AND THE WINNER IS....

#1
"You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we
don't.
Sign here."

[ivox3]

___________________



Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.
-- Marion Barry

You may be a redneck if . . . you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.
-- Jeff Foxworthy

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
-- Flip Wilson

A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of.
-- Burt Bacharach

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
-- George Carlin

There is one thing I would break up over and that is if she caught me with another woman. I wouldn't stand for that.
-- Steve Martin

Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.
-- Jerry Seinfeld

Size matters not.
-- Yoda

Napoleon: Tina, you fat lard, come get some DINNER!... Tina, eat. Food. Eat the FOOD!

Deb: What are you drawing?
Napoleon: A liger.
Deb: What is a liger?
Napoleon: It's pretty much my favorite animal. It's like a lion and a tiger mixed - bred for its skills in magic.

[mrcharles]

"I mean, if you've ever been a governor of a state, you understand the vast potential of broadband technology, you understand how hard it is to make sure that physics, for example, is taught in every classroom in the state. It's difficult to do. It's, like, cost-prohibitive."—Washington, D.C., June 24, 2004

"We need an energy bill that encourages consumption."—Trenton, N.J., Sept. 23, 2002

"I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family."—Greater Nashua, N.H., Chamber of Commerce, Jan. 27, 2000

... a few from bush... kind of like running something through babblefish...

[superbad]

Everytime that guy opens his mouth, poop comes out.

"There's an old saying in Tennessee—I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee—that says, fool me once, shame on—shame on you. Fool me—you can't get fooled again."—Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002

"Because of your work, children who once wanted to die are now preparing to live."—speaking at the White House summit on malaria, Dec. 14, 2006

"One of the interesting initiatives we've taken in Washington, D.C., is we've got these vampire-busting devices. A vampire is a—a cell deal you can plug in the wall to charge your cell phone."—Denver, Aug. 14, 2001

"You know, when I campaigned here in 2000, I said, I want to be a war President. No President wants to be a war President, but I am one."—Des Moines, Iowa, Oct. 26, 2006

"And I suspect that what you'll see, Toby, is there will be a momentum, momentum will be gathered. Houses will begat jobs, jobs will begat houses." —Speaking with reporters along the Gulf Coast, Gulfport, Miss., Aug. 28, 2006

"As you can possibly see, I have an injury myself—not here at the hospital, but in combat with a cedar. I eventually won. The cedar gave me a little scratch."—After visiting with wounded veterans from the Amputee Care Center of Brooke Army Medical Center, San Antonio, Texas, Jan. 1, 2006

"We've tripled the amount of money—I believe it's from $50 million up to $195 million available."—Lima, Peru, March 23, 2002

Literally thousands more here:
http://www.slate.com/id/76886/